Saturday, October 29, 2011

Ra.One the Re.View



Ra.one isn’t a movie, its an experience similar to suffering from a chronic migraine that stays with you long after you have left the movie hall.

This movie is the beginning to a new genre in films, the sci-fi superzero film. It’s a culmination of senseless storyline, same boring clichéd scenes, appalling acting, shamelessly copying from other films and all that we expect in a SRK movie. All that I can say is Ra.one looks like one horrid affair between miss-direction and re-production.

SRK acting skills can be best defined as atrociously nauseating, for the past 15 years he has been dishing us trash films but still continues to hold roost over the box office, the bhola bhala Indian audience who fears to take the red pill (Matrix reference) in his choice of movies. This blog post is to enlighten and remind you that you might have experienced hell in life but it does not mean you do have the capacity to bear the torture of Ra.one 

 But the thing that makes this movie totally unwatchable is SRK copying Ravindra Jadeja hairstyle. That is like blatant plagiarism and shockingly flouting the Indian piracy laws and showing disrespect to the world cup winning team.

Following few paragraphs contains some serious spoilers, if you develop mental ailments after reading it this blogger will not be held responsible for it. I have in my capacity tried to provide you with a scene by scene depiction of the movie.

The movie starts in Europe with the lead actor Ra.j the protagonist of the movie disillusioned with dancing in the sub zero temperature of Switzeland decides to travel back to India. In one of the remote village he builds a hydro electric power plant which earns him a lot of goodwill but no box office profits. 

In the meantime the bigger Ra, Ra.nchoddas ShymalDas Chanchad gets over 400 patents and almost that many crores in box office.

To prove that SRK is still the number one Ra, he decides to create a robot and names it Ra.one

But the robot kills its own creator for the betterment of all mankind.  They could have ended the movie over here and then the audience would have kept coming to the movie halls for weeks. But nothing good last long and SRK arrives as G.one

But his wifey dear with brain size zero  is fed up with the acting histrionics and bars his entry to the bedroom  until he tells all the people of India that his name is G.one and he is not an actor. She keeps forgetting her husband south Indian name.

Meanwhile at work he is having a tough time from Ra.one who keeps pestering him about not having won a national award like him and unable to reply to the taunts of his self created monster, Ra.one he goes out crying to Karan “KKKKKKKaran, mera naam hai GGGGGGG.one and am not an actor” (Film Unfair has already announced that this has been nominated for the best dialogue category and to be unfair this is going to be the only nomination in this category)

Karan cant bear a heartbroken SRK and out of his belief in “Its all about loving your actors”, tears out his heart and hands it to SRK,  With a new recharged heart goes into battle against Ra.one

Ra.one also knows he cant keep his boss unhappy for long, he might afterall not give him any IPL after party tickets for next year decides to play ball and gets defeated by SRK and thats when the dancing in the sunflower fields starts all over again. But by this time I start turning into hulkish green, break of my kryptonite chains that prevented me so far from leaving the theatre and weave a spidery web and fly up, up and away.


P.S : No I haven’t watched the movie, but badly wanted to make fun of Ra.One and write one lean mean scathing but funny review :) It has to do with the fact that SRK films I have grown to despise, the languid emotions, the same repetitive stuff and his cronies and the Indian audience who tends to keep fuelling this Bollywood Buddhushah  to keep continuing making ridiculously stupid farces in the name of movies.


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